I nearly choked when I read this, so naturally I must share it. Heidi Montag has decided to release a Christian album, which would be find if, you know, she could actually sing. But the worst part is that she compares herself to Jesus because both of them have been so persecute.

On why she wants to record a Christian album: “I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God. [I consider myself] kind of non-denominational Baptist.”

On visiting Africa: “[This August, Spencer and I will] feed children and help build things.” (She once planned on devoting her life to God as a missionary in Africa.)

On ex-BFF Lauren Conrad’s claim that she spread those sex tape rumors: “There were rumors about a sex tape, but I had nothing to do with that. God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know?”

On never reconciling with Lauren even though Jesus taught forgiveness: “I don’t think people are ever going to get that [but Lauren will] always have a place in my heart.”

I just… wow. Yes, Heidi. You’re EXACTLY like Jesus. Except not at all. Sometimes I wonder if she believes anything that comes out of her own mouth.