Dear Janet Jackson,

You are so awesome. I have loved you since I was a kid. But seriously? A spangly yellow spandex bodysuit? REALLY?! I mean, don’t get me wrong. Your body? It’s rockin’. No question there. But I don’t care how fit you are, the most perfect body in the world would still look like a crazy banana in a yellow spandex bodysuit. And the sparkly-ness doesn’t make it fancy. It just makes it Vegas.